Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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