i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
