Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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