How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
