Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Barsexuality is the new black.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
