My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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