Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
