well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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