"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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