It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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