"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
