Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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