Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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