im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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