i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just had sex bonerless
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
