See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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