When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
two words...techno handjob
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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