i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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