I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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