I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
