she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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