You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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