Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

she sounds like chewbacca in bed

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(701): View more from North Dakota

that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

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(714): View more from California

you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

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(916): View more from California

We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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(502): View more from Kentucky

So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.

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(941): View more from Florida

and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.

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