I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
