Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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