I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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