Dual....:-)
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
