That's intense
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
