Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
