covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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