So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
