i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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