We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And then my night got REAL pukey
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
