Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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