it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
