I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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