Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
