How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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