I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
