I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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