I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
