This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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