Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
