you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ttyl tear gas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
