Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
