I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
whose parrot is this?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
