I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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