She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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