It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
