I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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