The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
