i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
