so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
