I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
