would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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