Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where is the hickey?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
