i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
