He asked me if I "almost moaned"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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