so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone shattered a urinal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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