I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
