Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
