bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
