i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
