A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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