so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
