so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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