Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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