she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
