I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
