He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
