Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
