i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
