Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
