Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i dont even know how to be here
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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