see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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