I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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