yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
