oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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