I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
