No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
