i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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