How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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