what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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