Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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