i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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