You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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