dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
