i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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