remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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