The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
