Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
