just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
