My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
