How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
