That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
