She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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