You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
