That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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