i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
