So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
