I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
