The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
