Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
