We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
