Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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