it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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